Playing with fire

2010-05-13T22:23:00.004+08:00

i want to tell you but i can't.

You should be the least of my worries now.

But at least you give me some sort of relief.

How isit that we only talk absolute nonsense

and at the same time make sense?

Do i make sense?

I could tell you, but then again what's the use?

I've waited 2 years... whats another 3 more?

haha..

2010-05-13T01:07:00.002+08:00

Ugh. seriously... i don't. i don't, Idon't, I don't.

2010-04-18T20:50:00.002+08:00

Sometimes looking for concrete evidence is a waste of time.

Looking for that something solid so i can finally give in.

But not for me i guess...

Ilang taon na?

Bravo.

2010-04-03T23:52:00.002+08:00

Sa isang paalam lamang ba lahat magtatapos?

Somewhere between waking and sleeping

i walked the ends of the earth

i went to no-man's land

without company, without mirth.

cheers to life i shall say

Somewhere between waking and sleeping

I went to a place so far

Beneath the aurora borealis

Lying alone beneath the stars.

i'll ask myself questions along the way

Somewhere between waking and sleeping

Alectrona smiles at me

It seems i've run out of time again

I beg for more but she rejects my pleas.

And here we go again

2010-02-17T21:01:00.000+08:00

That you were once unkind befriends me now,

And for that sorrow, which I then did feel,

Needs must I under my transgression bow,
Unless my nerves were brass or hammer'd steel.
For if you were by my unkindness shaken,
As I by yours, you've passed a hell of time;
And I, a tyrant, have no leisure taken
To weigh how once I suffered in your crime.
O! that our night of woe might have remembered
My deepest sense, how hard true sorrow hits,
And soon to you, as you to me, then tendered
The humble salve, which wounded bosoms fits!
But that your trespass now becomes a fee;
Mine ransoms yours, and yours must ransom me.

2010-02-07T13:09:00.005+08:00

Get off my case, i won't say it... si bei kia

Denial is a funny thing. You can deny all you want but the truth is still there. gnawing at your conscience. It sometimes leaves you very confused as well. Denial Denial. Denial leads to nothing. A strength to the recluse; or so they say.

Aloofness is another one. Being aloof can save you a whole lot of trouble, but a gain a whole lot of pain.

Denial and aloofness goes hand in hand somehow.

....

My grandmother is going to be taken out of life support. And my parents have decided that only my mom would be going back to the philippines to accompany my dad if a funeral is to take place.

Am i sad? yes. very.

2010-02-01T19:07:00.001+08:00

Accept the little imperfections and we'll be just fine.

It's ending. Yeap. My last semester and i hope that i haven't screwed any modules up thaaaat badly.

Now that it's ending, there are choices to be made an i have made mine. I realise that it's not all about what i want anymore. There's always a limit on trying to reach your goals or aspirations in life. Sometimes a dream is just a dream and you have to put it on hold indefinitely. We just have to be learn to be contented with what's given to you by life. No room to be picky.

Like i always say, Suck it up and move on. =)

2009-11-28T21:13:00.002+08:00

Today was probably one of the best days i've had in quite a while. What did i do?

Sleep 2/3 of the day away. nyahaha

But now i'm wide awake. nice.

2009-10-18T22:47:00.002+08:00

aaaaaaaaaaah.

School resumes tomorrow... and i'm so unprepared.

Bag's not packed... what's there to pack anyway?
I have no idea what to wear... I'll probably just throw in some combinations tomorrow.
I have no idea what my first lesson is... who memorises their timetable so early anyway?

and...... that's all.

It's like i'm lazy to go back to school after not touching a book for like... 7 months?

But it's my last sem so i have to work hard. No more procrastination, no more skipping classes
( omg. this will be tough) and no more last minute studying for exams.

Oh.... and no more late nights. dayum.

I guess the only thing worth looking forward to is seeing friends again. Most of them i haven't seen in months due to attachment.

So yea. tomorrow should be interesting. Very interesting in fact.

2009-10-11T22:58:00.002+08:00

hmmmm.

What makes an update?

Someone should at first have an idea on what to update. Preferably something interesting that has happened.

Well, there's nothing interesting going on. Besides the fact that school's starting next week and i'm not ready for it. It's been... 7/8 months since i last touched lecture notes or gone for tutorials? But that ain't interesting So.....

Hey Anjana. Here's my update. =)

hahahahahaha.

2009-09-29T23:33:00.002+08:00

Power.

Once you get hold of power, it doesn't matter what you were like previously only what you are after you get hold of said power.

I've come to realise that power isn't all that. I don't like it. It spoils people. It changes a person into someone we don't know. sigh sigh sigh.

I used to think that it wasn't so much of a problem. Just do the job and i'm done. I didn't sign up for the headaches and the silent war between old friends. argh.

How did power, authority, positions get in the way?

So i think that after all this has past, i'm gonna go for one very loooooong break before talking to anyone involved.
yea a hiatus from drama would be nice after i step down

2009-09-26T22:37:00.002+08:00

Ruins abound.

MANCHESTER UNITED!!!

It's funny how my dad finds it funny that i support Manchester United so much. For every match that the Red devils play, my dad would support the opposite team. I hated it when my team loses cos he'll give that sarcastic laugh that would leave me pouting until Man United scores... and go on to win the game and then i would give him that proud smile, and he will pout and say that they just got lucky.

My mother is one hell of a bad joker. haha. She tries to make jokes that she thinks is hilarious, but turns out to be... bad. But when she's not making jokes, things that she says out of the blue, cracks my sisters and i up. Cos it's that random. Plus she has probably the largest collection of bag in the whole of.... yew tee? haha. Bags that we know she buys, but never uses. So for every year on mother's day or her birthday we can expect tons of new bags given by her friends. This year for her birthday (25th Sept), we decided to take her collection to another level. We bought her another bag, but its a special one. Took time to save up for it, but it was worth it. Happy Birthday mom.

My sisters are jokers. I have no idea who they got it from, but yea, they're jokers. =p But its always fun to poke fun at them. It's always fun to make my younger sisters laugh and even though they disturb me a lot (what's new?), i love them to bits.

It's these small little things that i missed about my family in these few months that i've been busy with school and drama. And it's only now that i'm home more often that i realise that i did miss it all. =)

2009-09-23T23:46:00.003+08:00

and if i'm dreaming, don't wake me.

"Yea, yea! I remember this one time... I remember it very clearly! I was with dunno who...."

Spot the irony in that?

Haha.

In my opinion, i think everyone's a walking contradiction in one way or another. We may feel strongly about one thing, but in actual fact, we don't give two hoots about it. On the other hand, you may claim indifference to a particular subject or someone, but actually, you do care. Then there are times when we do things that we swear we'll never do, but do it anyway cos, you just have to do it.

I could ramble on and on.

Anyway, i'm never going to this particular shop at Ion ever again. Baaaaaaaaaaaaad customer service. Dumb service as well. How can you talk about the customer when they are just an ear shot away? TSKK TSKK. And they had the cheek to imitate my order behind my back in a mocking manner.

Stereotypical biatches.

I'll shove whatever i bought down your throats if i could. What's happening to people nowadays. Seriously. PFFT.

2009-09-22T22:21:00.002+08:00

My watch says.... 11pm and it is an hour before results comes out.

I think that this are the only results that i am not so apprehensive of. Probably cos the results are not cos of exams that i studied way too last minute for. But still, a bit of nervousness is there.

So it's the holidays. What do i do during the holidays? Nothing. Too lazy to work, still too tired to party hard. I'd ask people to go out.... but some are having their FYP, some working, and some are already in UNI. So im stuck here. Rotting at home. So anyone wanna go out? hehe

2009-09-21T01:08:00.002+08:00

Nostalgia is a funny thing.

I visited my blog in what felt like years a few days ago and i took the time to read through most of my previous posts. I realised that i used to write a lot and i kinda miss it. yea. Why did i stop writing a lot in the first place? I'm not sure either. I guess i grew lazy? Or life just got in the way.

It's funny cos this blog was for me to write whatever random crap/stuff that goes through my mind, and believe me there are a lot. It was a way for me to channel what i usually don't say infront of people.

One thing's for sure though. I miss writing and hopefully that's enough for me to get this blog back on track!

hmmmm....

Don't you just hate it when you're dreaming the perfect dream that's fast moving on that perfect part... when you're suddenly awaken. And when you try to go back to sleep again, the dream's gone. It won't start up again... And you're left thinking... "dang, i hope my dream comes true"

But they never do, do they?

Worst thing is... It's a daydream. I dreamt it in the morning. And day dreams are often though of as fleeting and wandering thoughts. So what i dreamt was probably what i wanted to see happen to me.

Geez. A whole post about some stupid weird dream. But it was nice. And im still hoping it comes true. =/

2009-09-15T21:39:00.005+08:00

My blog's dead, no one probably visits anymore. but oh wells. hehe...

And so it ends.

A journey full of late nights, hot heads, a couple of harsh words here and there... but most of all, a journey full of fun and laughter.

Rehearsals, the stress, the fatigue, the people, chants of "declare independence" through the night... I will miss it all. Cos... there won't be another big event such as this. At least, not with us year 3s at the helm of things.

Praises are aplenty after the show and it means a lot to those of us who worked so hard to live up to the expectations of the rest. Eye bags, headaches and bruises were all worth it once we heard the audience's applause and saw the look of joy in their faces.

Most credit must go to my very talented actors though. No one else. My actors who made every single one of our scenes happen and left a single, lasting impression on the audience. They did most of the work and no one else can claim that they were ever as stressed as my actors. =D

I love Stagearts.

It just irritates me to see people who have no rights to claim full credit, claiming them. It's just not right. You who claimed to be the most stressed out cannot compare to the stress my actors, dancers and co-directors/choreographers went through. And it sucks that you give such trivial reasons as to why your burden is bigger. You know what. i don't give a flying fuck what your reason is, i'm still not happy with you.

2009-08-04T13:44:00.003+08:00

You go your way and i go mine.
I'll somehow turn back the hands of time.
and maybe then i'll see
that it was just some stupid Bee.
xD

2009-07-31T16:12:00.002+08:00

Special. That's what you are. Special.
But you don't know that don't you?
Cos i never said a word.
Nice.

2009-07-21T10:47:00.003+08:00

maybe it's stupid to wait.

My mother used to say that life isn't alway about getting what you want or always getting your way.

She used to tell me not to cry or whine over the smallest things; that if it wasn't meant for me,
I should just let it be. Cos maybe... just maybe, it wasn't meant to be for now.

I've been told to not to dream so much; that i must be practical. Look at things in a safe way -
To avoid any mishaps or disasters.

Maybe that's what i'm doing now; playing it safe. Avoiding what i know is inevitable. avoiding it long enough to think things through. Carefully.

Or then again maybe i'm just pussy. =p

2009-06-25T23:42:00.001+08:00

As cliche as it may sound...

I guess i'll be waiting.

2009-06-20T22:19:00.001+08:00

This is the point of no return.

But i really don't mind. =)

I didn't know falling could be so fun.

Lets hope it stays that way.

2009-06-09T23:22:00.000+08:00

Yay.

life's good

I don't know what i'm doing anymore.

i'm happy.

overstatement of the year.

2009-05-15T10:59:00.003+08:00

So i know that i haven't been blogging for a gazillion years.
Busy or just lazy? Maybe a little bit of both.

Life has been very busy nowadays and it's just gonna get busier in the next few months.
attachment,drama,performances,family,friends....

I'm not gonna complain though. It's my last year in NYP and i'm planning to enjoy every minute of it no matter hot sweet or sour things can get.

Speaking of sweet and sour, i feel like eating sweet and sour fish right now... hmm.

Anyway...

I'm getting more and more tired each day. Must be signs of growing old.

2009-04-09T10:59:00.005+08:00

i shouldn't have started and let it go on.

It kinda sucks when someone says things even though they only meant it jokingly.

Cos then you start to think and when you think, you get all these crazy ideas that you're not doing enough; that whatever you're doing is inadequate.

Or maybe i'm just being insecure.

Meh. I should stop thinking. Stop my mind from going into overdrive.

Oh wait, i found what sucks even more. Having no one there to tell you that you're just being delusional and that everything's actually ok.

----

Back then i didn't think i'd make it. And now i'm proving myself right.

2009-03-21T20:15:00.003+08:00

Frustrating.
Really frustrating.

I was blind enough to believe. That shouldn't be the case. I was suppose to be the sensible one.

Oh well... Whatever. i don't care. but i do.
Things don't always go our way.

2009-02-20T21:33:00.004+08:00

I shall hide it with a smile
but that's not worth the while

I'm sick of it.
I'm sick of it all.

All the cheery smiles and happy faces.
I wish i could take the roughest sponge and wipe it away.

I thought i could keep it down. keep it to myself.
Keep everything hidden in the back of my head
At the back of my heart.
But it ever works that way

When did everything start to change?
When did everything start to irate me?
When did i become bitter?

2009-02-03T22:51:00.002+08:00

I want to dream for just a while more.

Before i can let go.

2008-12-19T20:44:00.003+08:00

It still hasn't sunk in.

A day has gone by and it still hasn't sunk in.

I must say thank you to Anjana for believing in me. For believing that i am capable and responsible enough to hold this post.

Congratulations to everyone else who got a post. If we got it, then it means we deserve it. Can't wait to work with 08/09 Stage Arts committee =)

On a side note, i think the picture i took looks like shit. haha.

2008-12-12T23:26:00.002+08:00

It's the holidays!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, not really. Let's call it the holidays with tons of work to do.

So, i haven't been blogging much lately and it's all for the same reason... lazybusyprocrastinationschooldramalifenolife

The only reason i'm blogging now cos i know that i have ONE loyal reader who reads my blog every day without fail.... and it's not me. Geraldine Lim my twin. lol. I don't know if it's true though cos she did forget...... certain things. hehe

So.... I went out with Gel the other day. Hung out at Lot 1 of all places, but it was really fun catching up with her. It was the first time in a very long time that i went out with her and i would have blogged more about our outing but then we didn't take a single picture so just me typing stuff out would be dull. haha.

So Gel, i guess my blogging about our outing was not a good idea huh, but at least i blogged! haha.

=)

2008-11-26T19:03:00.000+08:00

Sometimes the wait is excruciating.
More often than not, tiring.
You wait long and hard
For nothing to come.

2008-11-09T23:03:00.006+08:00

So many things have been happening and there's so little time for me to blog about it....

Ok, so i lied. I had the time but i'm just too lazy to do it. I'll just post pictures for now.

And for those who managed to catch Delirium part 2, there would be a part 3 coming out soon Delirium 3: the musical. lol. Watch out for it yea. Delirium 2 : Return of the Rosa is somewhere in my August 2008 archives.

Pictures.........

Finally. A picture. Two actually. I notice that we only take pictures together once in a blue moon and it always seems to be hurried. haha. But who cares. LH all the way.

Sheesha/confession/crapping/gossip/silence/idunnowhatelse session.

A foreigner lost in Singapore.

So, i got lost in Eunos the other day. A friend was suppose to meet me there but i was left to find her on my own. -.- And Netti, if you're reading this, it's not your fault. lol.

2008-10-30T00:35:00.001+08:00

I WANT TO SHOUT AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS that.................................

you're confusing me.

=)

2008-10-25T21:43:00.004+08:00

to ask or not to ask?

This may be one day late, but HAPPY BIRTHDAY YANA! The sexy stoner in LH!
You can finally go sheesha if you know what i mean. haha...

I was under strict instructions from a certain soldier to keep her company that day and so i did. =)
Even though she did abandoned me in the end......

Pictures... Even though i'm not in any of them. haha. Yana, you better photoshop me in or something.

Netti baked Yana cupcakes for her birthday. Netti, if you're reading this..... *coughialsowantcough*

Yana was so touched that i spent her birthday with her......... well, actually no, she was just trying on the perfume Neera and Syahira got for her.

This is so sweet i swear. While at Yana's house, this delivery guy came and gave Yana flowers from a certain someone who can't celebrate her birthday with her cos he's in another country. Yana didn't expect it.....

See how shock she was? LOL.

2008-10-22T12:12:00.002+08:00

omg.

There comes a time when you can finally let go of the past and move on. Where it's time to finally realise that some things were never meant to be in the first place. I guess it just took a little help from something. or someone.

=)

2008-10-20T22:51:00.002+08:00

A fool is born when he starts to listen
to words that were never meant for him.

2008-10-19T19:57:00.001+08:00

like a drug, there's that addiction
Teetering towards an overdose.

2008-10-18T23:14:00.003+08:00

It all comes down to the question of who you're going to be.
Who do you want to be?

2008-10-16T11:41:00.004+08:00

I've come as close as i can get. I wonder if you notice... i can't look away.

It seems that i'm running out of steam and it comes at a time where right now, i'm going up a hill.

I think i'm gonna be sick. Or i'm already sick. Depends on how you look at it. I need a proper meal, i need rest. I need... a break.

First week of school and you need a break Kaye? You have got to be kidding me.
Nope. What i need is just good time management. I've been managing for the past year and a half so why complain or change anything now?

=(=

2008-10-11T23:45:00.002+08:00

hit by a truck full of realization

Another one fell off the ranks today. It doesn't come as surprise to me anymore although i am still saddened about the decision to leave...

Ever seen something go in the wrong direction? Is there ever such a thing anyway? Going in the wrong direction. Or is it just the way it's suppose to be?

We all know who will get it. Like I've said a million times to those who listened, it's like written in the stars... and whoever wrote it there, must have been blind.

There are always some things you want to stop from happening but it's never up to us to decide. And it's sad when we can't do anything to stop things from getting worst. We just have to make do with what we have. Maybe this is what they mean by stepping up. When faced with adversity, it's how we handle the situation that will determine the outcome.

But will the outcome be what we perceived it to be?

I should stop blabbering on and on about things that may not make sense to people.

2008-10-10T20:10:00.005+08:00

a moment's high

So... Today was the year one's performance for MINDS. All i can say is... so much for 600 people.
It was a fun experience though. Definitely bigger than last yea, but i think we managed quite well. No one was attacked this time around. =)

Pictures for those who want it and for the seniors who didn't get to see it.

Zul with his expensive new teeth. Yes, it's new and yes it's expensive. no kidding.

HSM guy aka butler aka Nadeen.

Chaos in the make up room.

Irritating Daniel aka Jac without the K.

Mean Miley aka Neela, Jac, and Ah-minah the maid aka Amalinah.

Neela, Nerdy Jimmy aka Hazwan and Amalinah. Hazwan looks like a serial killer by the way. No offence! haha.

Jac, Amalinah, The lion aka Maria the maid aka Sheila and Neela.

Yana, Dora aka Hanisah and me.

Grandfather aka Hanaffi.

Everyone should know that there are two sides to Suma....

The serious Suma. This look is perfectly fit for a malay drama.

And.....
the slutty-indian-cowgirl Suma.

Family picture! Erm.. the ones in red are extras. haha.

Candid shot. Quite blur though.

Dora and me.

The first ever lion in NYP and me.

Erm...hmm...uh....... yea.

The Singh family.

The Singh family's servants. I just realized that Vicki is missing from this pic.

Scandalous Grandpa.

A quickie back stage....wait, sounds wrong. I meant a quick picture backstage before show time. Hazwan looks like some chinese girl.

Erm... The year one's maids. Not in picture: Ilham and Norusha.

2008-10-07T21:38:00.002+08:00

lost in confusion

So... I haven't been blogging properly for a long time now. Ever heard of blogger's block? Yea, i had that. I have like 10 incomplete blog posts that i never completed due to my good friend procrastination.

The end is near. The day we all (at least for us poly students) dread is coming in less than a week. 13th October. School starts. I'm not really looking forward to it. Who in their right mind would? It's back to notes, projects and boring lectures. And on a random note, i find my timetable a bit weird...

\\\///

Time for an emotional rant... Please read everything first before you go judge.

I find it sad when people walk away from something. It's sad when people around you start to leave or disappear one by one. I find myself questioning their decision to leave. Is it really necessary? What happened to the commitment we pledged to give? Why now when support is needed? What makes them think we're not going through what they're going through?

That is the initial reaction. However, when i stopped and thought about it some more, I ask myself questions instead. Why am i still here? What is making me stay? Is it still about passion anymore? Or am i staying cos it has become a habit? Does staying benefit me anymore? Sounds selfish, i know. Maybe these were the same questions that were going through the minds of the people who left. They just don't know why they stay anymore.

Why am i putting in so much effort when others don't even take it seriously? They come and go when they feel like it, leaving a handful of us to handle the rest of the work. And it's not fair that some of these "lost souls" get the recognition that someone else is deserving of.

To tell you the truth, it has never crossed my mind to quit. Yes, i've said it before to some people, but not truthfully. It's only recently i started to question my decision to stay. No, i'm not quitting now that i've come so far. It's just that i somehow lost the reason why i stayed... Maybe because it has become a habit. Sometimes you do something so much that you forget why you do it in the first place.

I relaized these past few days that I'm not staying just for passion or to learn. I'm staying cos it has become a part of my life. I find it hard picturing my life without joining this commitment. It has somehow shaped my life to what it is now. Despite all the problems, disappearance, late nights and what-have-yous, i'm not gonna go running away or shy away from the responsibility. I'm not really good with words so i don't know how to explain this form of attachment i have.

I'm not the only one sharing the same sentiment. Others feel the same way as well, no matter how few. We're not gonna leave like all the others. Especially at this time. We'll stay and fight on. =)

On a side not....
I'll probably regret posting this in the morning cos i just wrote this without proofreading it. lol!

2008-10-01T21:46:00.002+08:00

Let's play a game. you and me.
Heads i win, tails you lose.

2008-09-19T22:30:00.002+08:00

i got to learn how to be selfish

It started a chain of events that was... shocking to say the least; relieving for the most part.
Coincidences? I think not. Maybe it was always going to happen. Like ... if you will ... written in the stars. Am i glad that i spoke out? yes i am.

And together, we march on.

2008-09-15T16:09:00.002+08:00

is anything normal anymore?

runaway.

one step. two steps

Carefully tread through the unknown

Make yourself invincible to things you can't see.

You want to see them,

but you're getting in the way.

Such is the contradictions in life.

One step. Two steps. Three...

avoidance was never your strong point

You stand impassive, facing the known.

An inner turmoil has ensued.

Turn around and run.

Stop.

take a breather

and wonder why runaway?

2008-09-02T22:01:00.004+08:00

I feel like posting pictures today...

Class Chalet:

After Drama last Saturday, Yana and i accompanied Amin and Nick to one of their performances and guess what event it was. A GB event. I thought GB and i would never cross paths again. Haha.

I went to Bamboo's concert at the Arena on Saturday after the SMU play.

Background: For those of you who knows the band Rivermaya, Bamboo used to be their frontman until a few years ago when he left and started a new band. I highly recommend them if you like Rivermaya.

My cousin-in-law and i had the best seat in the house. We were seated away from the crowd (VIP yo) cos my cousin's band was the front act for Bamboo.

The oh-so-hot wicked guitarist that my sister fell in love with. Ira Cruz. Go check him out.

2008-09-01T20:27:00.002+08:00

Stand under the rain and wait. I would.

Responsibility. What does it entail?

What makes it so hard to be responsible?
What makes it so hard to stick true to your words?
Questions that will never be answered in this case.

To err is human, to forgive is divine.
But not in this case.

2008-08-29T21:28:00.006+08:00

Spend all your time waiting for that second chance

So i haven't been blogging much nowadays because of exams. Exams which i'm almost certain would turn out like all other semesters. Moderately done - not to what it should have been. I'm not so sure about a certain module though. It seems that sleepless nights would ensue; thinking of what went wrong with it. These things shouldn't be bothering me though, cos it's over.

I went back to my secondary school today to visit teachers and catch up with old friends (and of course go all ninja-like on some people) and i realised that as much as people say that secondary school life is so much easier, i wouldn't want to relive most of it again. That's just me though. Yea, it's fun at times but i think i wouldn't call it the best years of my life. I would go back in time though if i could alter a few things here and there. Make it so that some things aren't the way it is now.

Hindi kita nakita kanina. Sayang kasi ikaw lang naman ung dahilan na pumanta pa ako. If not, i wouldn't have bothered. =)

Pictures of DBI 0702 chalet coming up soon... Once i get all the pictures that is.

For now i leave you with what's been happening...

Sunrise at Pasir Ris. Class Chalet 08:

Unity Sec (Teacher's Day):

Reminiscing the old days.

Birthday dinner at The Fullerton Hotel:

A rare picture of me and my sis together

It was damn boring. But the food was nice. =)

Sometimes you feel like your all alone

2008-08-13T21:56:00.002+08:00

May mga bagay tayong kelangan isuko kasi alam mong talo ka...

A million thanks.

Yes i know I'm guarded. Too guarded it seems and there comes a time when I just feel like telling it all. But to who?

Thank you to those who listened; to those who got me to stop listening and to finally speak up. Thank you for making my "confession" (haha) seem like it's nothing. And i mean this in a good way. Because I've been finding ways to make it seem like nothing to people.
Thank you for not getting tired of listening to stories that has been dying to come out.
Thank you, most importantly, for not judging; for being ok with everything... for being ok with me.
Like I said before, it was hard. It wasn't easy. But you guys have made it very easy for me and i'm glad. You know who you guys are. I'm lucky and proud to have you guys as friends.

2008-08-12T15:25:00.002+08:00

i thought that it'd be easy... how wrong i was.
it just gets harder.

2008-08-06T22:50:00.009+08:00

Disclaimer: Whatever you are about to read is purely just for fun and does not reflect the views of SA or the school. This is just a spoof. SO lighten up people!!!!

Rating: PG13

TCP (Three crazy people) Productions Presents.....

Delirium 2: The return of the Rosa.

Some sad endings always have happy beginnings . Rosa, a girl who didn't have it all would find that her so-called happy ending had moved on in the after life and now it's her turn to deny him of his happiness. How is that possible and why? Follow her as she lies and deceive just to make sure his life comes crashing down to a million pieces. Who will save HIM?

Introducing.... JOHNNY BLEARGH.

and in Rosa's place.... ROSSSA ANA

And... Going down to the underworld to find revenge.... ROSA DA-LAME

Brought to you by THE COMMITTEE [Jeng jeng jeng]

The director - Anjana

Asst. Director - Syidah

Head of Make-up - Wawa

Logistics Manager - Sara

Vice President - Rabia

President - Farhana

Watch out for DELIRIUM 2 : RETURN OF THE ROSA in bad acting theaters near you!

For ticketing information please contact... err... you know what? Just come. No need ticket cos you're never gonna get it!

BEHIND THE SCENES:

We had nothing better to do....

First and last time i'm gonna try to act cute. 'nuff said.

I have no idea why i did whatever i was doing

Yana, Yana quite contrary....

Nick was trying out meditating to his computer so that he can become smarter and be third in the cohort.

[INSIDE JOKE. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA]

um... yea...

Back to projects...

2008-08-05T10:18:00.007+08:00

It's funny how at random points of your life, random people pops out randomly out of nowhere and randomly makes your day. =)

and and and.... i am such an idiot!!!

ECPJ = Finally done.

After one and a half months of procrastination and half a month of actually doing work, my group has pulled through. We finished the horror that is ECPJ Final Presentation. I think almost everyone was emo yesterday after the presentation cos the IM that we got was kinda strict.

Oh well, it's done. There's no use emoing now. I shall only emo when results comes out.

Exams coming soon. Must really start to buck up cos i can feel my GPA slipping down.

I've been trying to blog for hours now but "Love handles" keeps distracting me. I still think Love Handles rocks though. Don't ask why. It's all about the love. haha.

~

This is not how i do.

It starts small. It always does. Problems arises whenever it starts big - it never plays out too well. Like i said, it starts small. From a tiny drop, it would grow. Grow until it's out of control. And when it gets too big to handle, there's no way back. There's no turning back. You're stuck with it and it never goes away. The intrusion is welcomed, but it's never the best feeling. At times, comforting; soothing perhaps. But mostly, it's confusing. A burden - something you'd rather live without; avoid it at all cost. --but the intrusion is always from afar; never near--

It's small things turning into big things like these that makes you think. Why is there a need for things that you most probably can live without? Maybe it's just me. I have views that no one seems to share. --Or maybe I'm just waiting for it to come near.

A reason why I don't share, I don't talk. Cos different people react differently and there's a coward in me. -- and i don't like it.

I'm best at avoidance; keeping mum, never saying a thing. I'm best at playing safe and frankly speaking, it has never gotten me anywhere. How sad it is that no one sees...

Oh heck... Lets just all go with the flow ~ =)

2008-07-31T20:07:00.003+08:00

What an idiot.

1926 errors in Visual Studios + 2 hrs of staring at computer = ONE error left.

ONE error left + ME = DISASTER.

DISASTER = give up.

give up = must do something else

So yesterday, i had 1926 errors in my project cos i'm kinda dumb like that, then once there was one left, i died and decided to go to sleep. The next day, i find out that i never saved my work.

Am i dumb or what?

AHHHHHH!!!!!!

No. Must be optimistic....

I feel much better now. =)

2008-07-26T23:24:00.010+08:00

It's finally done. After two months of rehearsals, it's finally done. StageArts Production 2008 -Delirium was a success. At least to me it was. =)

I have to say that right after the show ended, i felt nothing. Like i was in a daze. Must be cos i was very tired. I only felt something when i woke up this morning. I felt happy that we pulled 'delirium' off, but sad at the same time because i had so much fun in the TFA; with all the other crazy drama people. It'll be a very long time before we can get a taste of the TFA again.

Now, there'll be no more excuse to skip class. hehehe.

Pictures!!!!

Funny how us year twos have changed so much from last year's production...

We looked so innocent.... I wonder what happened? lol...

Behind every good hair, is a good hairstylist. - Andy doing his thang.

The fantabulous make-up-ers

Make-up people busy doing their thang as well.

From left - My on-stage husband, My costume 'changer' (must say thanks to Nadia for helping me change costume in between scenes) and my self proclaimed personal assistant, Fifi, cos she answered one of my calls. haha. Rabia, my other costume changer isn't in the pic.

My evil half and i.

My on-stage husband - Kai.

on-stage BFFS. we rocked yea. haha.

Amin aka Amy sexy... wait no. Amy Sexy aka Amin. hehe.

Iman and Rabiah

The ever awesome Christina/Jessica/Rose aka the 'YES' waitress.

Amy Sexy aka Amin looking pretty for the camera.

Sara 'don't-mess-with-the-tudung' and me.

Amy sexy, Anjana (Director), me and Yana sexy who was looking at her camera rather than mine.

This play wouldn't be complete without them year ones.... And no, we don't only have this little year ones. This is just like a few of them.

Backstage waiting for showtime.

My 'wedding' scene.

I'm gonna miss the stage...

2008-07-18T17:11:00.002+08:00

I'm functioning on these thoughts of...

I think today is a good day to blog.

Yea, now is a good time.

Yes Kaye, blog when you're half dead.

So, whatever i say here cannot be 100% trusted.

Nor am i liable for whatever i say... i think.

hmm... what shall i blog about.

I know. Random things that's been happening.

- i finished biz comm (like finally!)

- i miss marketing

- drama rehearsals

- drama (in and out of drama)

- family drama

- deaths

- death scares

- A, b, c..... J........ Z

- Rubber Trees

- Banana Trees

- Lying Banana Trees

- Me, you, they, us

- secrets

- arguments and patches

- I died.

- And i died again

- And i'm gonna die some more next week.

I think my blog's dead. I know i haven't been blogging much and it's cos i don't have anything to blog about. It's like the feel of blogging is not there nowadays.

But, oh well =) life's like that.

I shall just stop this here. ciao people.

A total random post

2008-06-28T17:27:00.001+08:00

being caught in between all you wish for and all you see

I'm tired.

2008-06-12T21:50:00.002+08:00

This came from a dream....

Somewhere between waking and sleeping
i walked the ends of the earth
i went to no-man's land
without company, without mirth.

Cheers to life i shall say

Somewhere between waking and sleeping
I went to a place so far
Beneath the Aurora Borealis
Lying alone beneath the stars.

I'll ask myself questions along the way

Somewhere between waking and sleeping
Alectrona smiles at me
It seems i've run out of time again
I beg for more but she rejects my pleas.

I'll return after the hassles of today

*Alectrona is the goddess of the morning or man's waking sense.

2008-06-07T15:45:00.004+08:00

I'm updating!!!!

Yes. I'm back after almost a month of not blogging. I am gonna blog more frequently now. i hope...

So... auditions just ended for the annual production and this is like the beginning of the stress period. Imaging having rehearsals (or doing backstage if i don't get any roles) and planning for a camp at the same time. On top of that, there's projects and tests.

I can't wait till i graduate.

So my cousins have just left Singapore a week ago after coming here for a holiday. It's fun having them here. It was like havoc in my usually quiet house.

The clan =)

I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them back together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken -- And I'd rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken places as long as I lived." -Margaret Mitchell

This whole week was a roller coaster ride of mixed emotions. I hate it when my day has been going well then wham. The worst possible news reaches me. It's probably the sudden-ness that i hate the most. Like you couldn't even do anything about it. That's life, i know and i'm not one to dwell in an emo state. I'll be ok after a while. That's always the case. You can't go moping around forever. You just have to put on a strong front and move on. but like what a friend said.... you can't always be strong.

I am very thankful that i have friends around me who makes me laugh and smile at the time when i probably needed it the most. They help you forget the sad stuff and at the same time offers you a shoulder to cry on if you ever need one. Thank you guys. You know who you are =)

2008-05-10T21:42:00.002+08:00

lalalalalala....

I haven't updated in like a gazillion years. Too many things going on i guess.... Nah... I'm just lazy thats all. Plus my life's like super boring.

SA night just ended and it was fun. All four departments did well and it was the first and probably the last time I'm ever gonna sing in public.

SA Camp is up next and there's a lot of things to plan and do. I feel the stress coming on. Stress or no stress, what matters is that we have fun. =)

hmm.. I never know what to blog about. I often wonder how people can blog everyday and never run out of things to say. Sometime when i log into blogger, it takes me hours to complete a post cos i dunno what to say (for most parts). It's like i'm having a bloggers block or something.

I realised i haven't been blogging much since school started.

Speaking of school.

I don't think i can survive till year 3. Right now i feel like two metal chain and ball is attached to my ankles and I'm dragging it an excruciating slow pace towards the finish line. I know the worst is still yet to come and there would be more responsibility and commitments coming... but i just can't help but feel like it's a drag going to school everyday. I mean, who in their right state of mind would love going to school to attend boring lectures, do projects, tests, handle endless problems...

Speaking of problems.

I think i have a problem with procrastination. I procrastinate a lot nowadays. More than usual. And that's kinda worrying since i should be doing anything but procrastinate at this point. Is there even a cure for procrastination? I think i should just switch my mindset. I shall stop procrastinating.... tomorrow.

Speaking of tomorrow...

It'll be a start of what seems to be another long week. =)

2008-04-29T22:10:00.003+08:00

The way we see the problem is the problem.

I think this blog is kinda dying...

2008-04-18T21:12:00.002+08:00

Finally. Club Crawl is done. Even though it was damn tiring and i didn't get to attend 90% of my classes, it was kinda worth in a way cos the drama performance was great and we had quite a lot of people signing into Stage Arts. 300+ if I'm not wrong. I think that it was an added bonus for the alumnis to say that drama has improved.

So yea. If you cannot contact me during this weekend, it's cos i'm busy re-conecting with my bed. Connection was lost these past few days. =)

2008-04-08T20:59:00.003+08:00

Oh how it stings.

These two days of rehearsing for club crawl has been physically tiring. I think that i need to exercise more because i get tired too easily. Yea, i'm weak i know.

So, this may be way overdued but, I played the 20 cent coin game last Saturday. It was quite an experience i must say. I just didn't like the part where i cried so fast. yea.

I must say thank you to Anjana for today. Knowing that i had a sore throat, she gave me sweets with a plaster on top of it saying "get well soon". That was kind of her. She was the only one who asked how my throat was. Well, Nicholas as well but he doesn't really count cos all he said was that I looked very sick. Anjana was kind for once. hmm... Must be cos she feels bad for making me talk on Saturday when she knew that i had close to no more voice. =)

Oh yea. Cannot forget Yana or else she'll make me feel guilty. Thank you for you know what yea. haha. I'll give you back you know what on you know when. Don't think dirty people. =)

So, my cousins are gonna be going for a holiday here in Singapore and I'm kinda excited. Since i grew up with guy cousins all around me, ill have guys surrounding me for 10 days in May. That sounded wrong, but yea. I promised to introduce them to all of my girl friends who are hot, but unfortunately i have no hot friends so its too bad for them. haha. My cousins are kinda wild, so lets see what kinds of trouble i'm gonna get into cos of them...

I'm so tired. Sorry if this post was boring or i dunno... I'm so freaking tired. I know that i ought to go to sleep but i know that i won't cos i still go hings to do...

2008-04-07T22:59:00.003+08:00

I don't know anymore.
Maybe i'm not cut out for this

2008-03-29T21:22:00.006+08:00

If your life was a movie, what would you replace or replay?

I hope you guys read the entire update cos i think that it's quite interesting. If it's not then sorry for the false info! My other blog's updated as well.

Thanks to everyone who gave concern to my knee. =) I always have problems with both my tendons in my left knee always. Yes, the foot has two tendons. One is at the back of the ankle, the other at the knee. yea. My left knee is always overused and it's not because of "vigourous" activities Anjana. -.-

I shall declare today Picture Saturday. I shall post pictures! And i have just managed to sound like some bimbo... I have a feeling some people are gonna murder me for whatever they're gonna read. My message for you people is... lighten up will ya.

It all starts with a picture....

Yana likes to drink cappuccinos with straws.

The bracelet with meaning that Anjana gave yana and i from her motherland. Thanks Anjana!

Yana is messaging HE/SHE/IT and Amin is distraught after peeping at Yana's message.

We saw this outside a D.I.Y shop. Think horny people...

So, yesterday, some of the drama people went to Lasalle's degree play. It was damn nice. Screw that. Damn nice is an understatement! They figuratively and literally set the stage on fire. The best part was the tickets costs 20 bucks and we got in for free Thanks to Rabia's cool uncle! hehe.

Nick and Yana during the 20 minutes interval.

Nick and I.

Us lovely ladies....

They set the freaking stage on fire! this was when the fire was already dying. And the other shiny thing you see is not fire but Rabia's uncle's bald head. hehe. No offence Rabia if you're reading this.

After the play, a few of us stayed to eat at KFC in PS. That was memorable. Dunno how to explain it, but we had laughing fits or something.

We took a lot of photos before the photo was actually nice. Did that even make sense?

Confused at what messages they were emitting when we took this photos? (sorry guys!)
Amin: I bet i can look dumber than you Nick! Watch me work my mouth! (That sounds wrong on so many levels...)
Nick: No bitch, i look dumber than you!
Ilham: Hmm.. Who's the dumbest of them all?
Yana: I better keep a low profile
Syidah: uh... huh??
Nadiah: I just want to get outta here heehee...
Nadirah: (whatever sound a peacock makes. What sound does it makes anyway?!)
Kaye: Will this photo make me look fat?

I kid people. Stop throwing rocks at me!

We were trying to take multiple shots. 'nuff said. I wasn't even in the photo!

Yana: rarr!!! take that you cheese fries!
Ilham: Me hands look yummy yummy!
Nadirah: okok.. i am moving away from Ilham NOW.

And i got tagged. I only did the questions cos they were kinda interesting annd i anyhow did it by the way. So don't trust whatever is written below! I'm not gonna tag anyone cos i'm lazy to think of people to tag. So if you want to do it, just do it!

1. my roommate once: I never had a roommate.

2. never in my live have i: had sex. Unlike someone.......

3. the one person who can drive me nuts, but then can always manage to make me smile: Idiotic Ashley.

4. high school was: stomach churning

5. when i'm nervous: I bite my nails and don't even realize it.

6. the last time i cried was: err. I don't exactly remember.

7. If i were to get married right now my bridesmaids would be: um. quite hard to choose!

8. my hair: Thick and wild.

9. my parents: too many. I kid.

10. when i was 5: I would steal all my one year old sister's gifts and throw a tantrum when if i don't get them.

11. last christmas: was a boring one.

12. when i turn my head left, I see: Barney the ~~pervert~~ dinosaur. My younger sis left her stuffed dinosaur on the floor.

13. i should be: sleeping.

14. When i look down I see: Lets not go there... nah. i see my keyboard.

15. The craziest recent event was: Nothing's crazy in my life anymore. Except maybe me...

16. if i were a character on Friends i'd be: I want to be Phoebe!

17. by this time next year: i'll be one year older and hopefully wiser.

18. my favorite aunt is: ooh... My aunt Rose is the coolest aunt ever.

19. I have a hard time understanding: why i have a hard time understanding

20. one time at a family gathering: I had to dance to a Britney song. Gosh. The embarrassment! I was just joking Amin!
21. you know I like you if: I'm extra sarcastic to you. Yea, i know, i'm kinda weird.

22. if i won an award, the first person (people) I'd thank is/are: myself. I wouldn't have received the award if i wasn't for me.
23. take my advice: Or rather don't take them cos i give crappy advices.

24. my ideal breakfast is: Bagels and a hot cup of coffee. Now you know what to get me for breakfast!

25. if you visit my hometown: Please open your eyes and see that the place is not as ulu as you think it is and that we don't eat grass.
26. where do you plan to visit anytime soon: France so i can find Madame Cirieco and show off the distinction i got for French. Or maybe India cos i think she's still there.
27. if you spend the night at my house: Beware of the boogeyman.

28. i'd stop my wedding if: you give me a better offer.

29. the world could do without: poverty

30. i'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: I have no idea. What can be worst than that?

31. most recent thing you've bought yourself: blouse.

32. most recent thing someone else bought for you: Oh... the bracelet Anjana gave me!

33. once, at a bar: I did bar top dancing. No lah.

35. How many days until my birthday?: who's counting?

=) Have a nice weekend everyone!

2008-03-24T14:44:00.002+08:00

It seems i'm always so close

So it's the holidays right? And It's suppose to be a relaxing period of time with nothing to do except to laze around, maybe work for a while, go out with friends..... So how the hell does one get injured doing nothing? During the holidays some more.

Yup. I have injured myself, my knee to be exact. I have tendinitis or something. I have no idea how i got it. Apparently I overused my right knee too much and I'm still confused as to how i overused it when i haven't done any strenuous activities at all. So I'm hopping around on my left leg for now, trying to get around.

hmm... I shouldn't be doing that. Who knows, when my right knee heals, it'll be my left knee's turn. So i shall just put myself in bed and stay there until my knee heals. Hopefully it heals soon. I don't mind the pain but it's boring staying at home all the time...

2008-03-19T21:33:00.004+08:00

The moment just passed by

How was exam results? Don't ask me. All i'll say is that it's ok. I was scared shitless for nothing...
oooohhh... Did you know that in a recent survey, 9 out of 10 Singaporeans are stressed out? Are you one of the lucky 1 out of 10?

As for the class BBQ pics, i'll upload it asap....

and... my other blog's updated as well.

So, i went to get my hair cut today. I only get a hair cut once in a blue moon because

1) I'm too lazy - that's why my hair's always super long.

and

2) I don't know what to do with my hair. I'm so tempted to tell the hairdresser to just let his imagination run wild and cut my hair to fit me. But i'm afraid i'll end up bald if he thinks it'll make me look super hot...

I always get asked the same thing by hairdressers.

"Wah! Why your hair so thick ar? "

How the hell would i know? I't's not as if i chose to have super thick hair. Thick hair can be horrible at times. Especially if the weather is super hot. People always tell me that keeping thick hair is good. I'm still trying to figure out why... I always have bad hair days cos of my thick hair and you can't do anything much with thick hair.

So, my new hair looks the same as my old one, only shorter. I wanted to try something new, edgy and exciting but i didn't trust the hairdresser. He looked dodgy... And he cuts super fast. Usually, it will take some time for someone to cut my hair cos it's very thick but he cuts hair like he's trying to enter the Guinness World Records for the shortest time to cut hair. But he was kind and had really nice hair so i'll try not to hate my hair cut that much.

......

I decided not to upload pics of my trip to the Philippines cos i'm too lazy. hehe. If you spot me with my laptop then ask me for the pics if you do want to see them..

With my trip to the Philippines, i have come to some conclusions.

1) Cousins should not be allowed to be uber hot. It should be a crime for them to be so hot! It's just not fair.

2) My relatives don't know the meaning of a full stomach. They keep giving us things to eat. I have officially grown fatter. If i was fat before, i think i'm even fatter now. ugh.

3) It only takes a simple memory to get a gang back together. This is a pic of the people i used to hang out with when i was younger:

If you can't spot me, i'm the unglam one.... -.-

Anyway, as you can see, i used to hang out with mostly guys and (unfortunately) learned their "ways". Which explains why i'm kinda un-ladylike now. We have grown apart over the years but when i went back, one of them initiated a mini reunion. There would be a bigger reunion in December with everyone present. Well... almost everyone. They promised that it would be a lot of fun with a lot of booze. hehehe....

and last but not the least....

4) The Philippine government is totally screwed up. Selling off Philippine land for money.......
Thats all i'm saying.

Oh... I didn't get to buy souvenirs from the Philippines cos we mostly went around visiting friends and relatives during our short visit. I did get Yana something that reminds me of her though. I got her a stone off the streets of the Philippines. At least she gets an imported stone. =)
And unfortunately Anjana, 19 year old versions of Armane will only come in 15 years time...

Well, this is it for now. Goodnight people.

2008-03-17T20:46:00.001+08:00

The secrets we keep become the memories that haunt us

So i'm back. Anyone missed me? no? yeah, i kinda figured that out. hehe
I'll blog about my trip soon enough. Once i get all the pictures and all.

2008-03-05T18:04:00.003+08:00

Philippines here i come!

It's the raining season in the Philippines, well at least for my mom's province. And since it's literally in the middle of nowhere - surrounded by mountains and jungles it'll be freaking cold and since i am surrounded by mountains and jungles, i will have no connection with the rest of the world for a few days...

Well, that was a bit of an exaggeration.

We do have a T.V. there, but other than that, there'll be no hand phone signal and the thing i hate most is that there's no internet. No internet. How sad is that? And guess what. The nearest mall is a 2-3 hour drive away.

So what the hell do i do in the middle of nowhere? Well for starters, i meditate and reflect on the true meaning of life.... Not. It is quite peaceful though. Life is so much more slow moving there. No hustle or bustle. Plus the sea is beautiful and at night you can see billions of stars in the sky... I'll only be lifeless for a few days though cos after that, we're going to my dad's place which is (thankfully) in the city.

Anyone wants anything from the Philippines? Anyone? No one? ok then. I wouldn't buy anything for anyone anyway hehe. We'll see...

Check out my other blog by the way, i updated it as well.

2008-03-02T22:17:00.003+08:00

We are satisfied from Monday til Friday and on Sunday we cry...

Went for the danceworks prelims today. Even though SA didn't win or get into the finals, i think that they did their very best and enjoyed themselves. Good job people! Now that you guys have had a feel of danceworks, join again next year and win it! Oh. One thing that was lacking from the competition just now was support from the drama people. I thought a lot of people would come to support SA dance, but only 4 people from the drama side turned up.

So... I was looking (or rather, yana was looking) at the picture above and it dawned on me that this was the first permanent group that i was with in SA. I still am with them, only it has gotten bigger now but i'm not gonna go into that... It all started with the jesters. Well i wasn't part of the jesters... just the coach who tagged along for fun. But i'm glad i tagged along cos i did have fun. =)

2008-02-27T14:07:00.004+08:00

So, exams are over. Well, almost... Cos i've got to study for my economics supp paper. Yup. I'm almost positively sure that my econs marks would be a complete and utter disaster. The paper was kinda hard... you know, the kind where you bullshit all the way. Anyhow link here and there cos you can't find anything to link at all. so yea. I'm flunking it.

But then again I said the same thing for my C. maths paper and i got... hmm...

...

I'm moving to wordpress by the way. Actually, i already moved to wordpress last week but i only posted once. Wordpress is something like blogger but you can put a password on it. So it'll be mostly private except for my first post which is not that interesting at all. hehe...

I'll still continue blogging here though. All the heavy stuff and touchy subjects would be written there while err.. the rest would be written here. =)

People have been asking why have another blog? Well, as i said before, there are some things that I want to write about but it's just too personal or too 'touchy' and that's were privatization comes in. The other blog would be something which only a few selected people can read. So if i don't give you the password to that blog, then don't bother asking cos i'm not giving it.

Here's the link btw... www.kayamonstre.wordpress.com so that you guys can read my first post that isn't interesting at all. haha...
...

2008-02-22T12:15:00.003+08:00

Every start has an ending. But how can we end when we haven't even started?

Do you know what's the number one thing that people should avoid doing in jam packed MRTs?

Fart.

Yes. Seriously people, don't fart in jam packed MRTs where it's as packed as sardines. I almost died the other day when someone released a silent killer in the MRT. It doesn't help that the smell lingers in the air for a few minutes before totally wearing off.

The worst part is, people won't know who did it so the culprit can just anyhow frame people by frowning and shaking their heads at someone and then you see people start to inch away from the poor victim...

Oh well, at least it woke me up. [shudders]

...

I just finished three of my five papers and i can't wait for it all to be over then i'm going on holiday!

It'll only be back to the Philippines but at least I'm out of the country.

I think my cousin purposely timed his wedding with our visit so he can get my dad as one of the sponsors and my little sister as a flower girl. They wanted me to become one of the bridesmaid and my answer was very clear. No.

I did become a bridesmaid once. A few years ago for another cousin's wedding, but after that, i never wanted to do it again....

I don't really like weddings. At least the weddings i've been to. They're.... boring. The whole walking down the aisle thing? It's over before you even know it. And you can literally fall asleep while waiting for the priest to finally say "you may now kiss the bride". Even that isn't such a big thing. All these things are all hyped up. Well, for me it is. Maybe it's different for the bride and groom.

I love the reception though especially if the food is nice. You can never go wrong with filipino food. It's fun to see your aunts and uncles tearing up while making a speech or seeing the bestman making fun of the groom...

um.. yea...

I shall go back to my studying now.

2008-02-16T16:29:00.002+08:00

Take a look in the mirror before you speak

Exams are ending soon... not. It hasn't even started. I'm sick of studying and being stuck in my room for the past few days trying to study. I'm even sick of Statistics! I have a feeling i won't do well this time round =/

I actually woke up today thinking that there was drama. When i found out that there was no drama, i thought to myself - do i really miss drama that much? ... NAH. Then i went back to sleep

.......................

There are some things amuses me but i'm not gonna say it here cos it's too.. how do i say it... "controversial".

But then again, what's the point of having a blog when you can't say what you want to say cos some people would not be happy with it? I guess that's where privatisation comes in. I think this blog's gonna be private soon. I'm still thinking about it though. Maybe i'll do it after exams.

2008-02-13T21:07:00.001+08:00

For some reason, i'm not feeling very happy happy. Must be coz of you.

Why are we...

So quick to judge,
So quick to hate?

And no this isn't about anyone in particular. Just an observation.
..............

Meron ako gustong sabihin dito pero mahirap na... Wala nang secreto na hindi mo nalalaman. Kaya kung maintindihan mo man ito, wala na akong masasabi.

2008-02-05T20:30:00.001+08:00

It'll be ok. Right?

I'm updating!

The only reason i haven't been updating cos there's nothing interesting that's been happening recently in my life, so what for update? Unless, you guys want to here what i had for breakfast, lunch and dinner. In between, i'd be either sleeping or studying. Yea studying. I actually STUDIED these past few days cos seriously, this semester is not like the other semester; study the day before and you can still get good grades.

.........................

Disclaimer: Whatever you people will read in the following post is only me ranting about random stuff and should not be taken very seriously. Most of the time, i don't even understand what i'm saying =/.. If your views are not of the same wavelength as mine then fine. Just don't crucify me just cos we're not the same. =P Oh, and if you find my views are like any other typical girl, well i've got news for you guys - i am a typical girl. So deal with it. haha...

Anyway...

I was chatting with a friend the other day (yes, yes, your name will not be disclosed *rolls eyes*) about the fate of us single ones this valentines day and she said one very true thing...

"Will we die if we don't have any guy in our lives? We've been guy-less for most the part of our lives. Surviving without them. Why bother emo-ing every valentines day just cos we're single? It's like we only realize we're single every valentines day. Or isit these people just want an excuse to be emo? This valentines day, I'm gonna celebrate being single!" (Her words not mine)

I kinda agree with her that we don't need a boyfriend or girlfriend (not that i go both ways or anything.....) this valentines day just to be happy. What's so bad about being single? What's so bad about waiting (or saving yourself. hehe.) for the right one? Why bother having a boyfriend just for the sake of having a boyfriend or succumbing to peer pressure? You may not even like the guy at all.

Being attached will just drain you. Emotionally and physically (I so did not mean that in the wrong way ok. Grow up people! lol) Having a BF/GF would just cramp your style. There would be fighting, arguing, controlling (girls mostly)... For guys, it will drain you of your money and time. Cos i know that some girls are quite demanding. haha...

When your single, you have more time for yourself. Pamper yourself, go out with your friends do things that you won't be able to do when your attached(like flirt with countless guys at once maybe?). Unless of course you've been single all your life and you're kinda sick of yourself then, you have the right to be sad this valentine's day.

But then again, being single ain't so good cos (for us girls) there would be no one to buy things for us. No one would pamper us cos apparently, we are unable to pamper ourselves. And of course, on valentine's day, you won't receive a dozen red roses,

Whatever it is, i think that it depends on the person whether you're happy being single or not. Some people like their independence, while some just need someone to be there for them. If you're happy being single, then good for you. You can join me on valentines day. We'll be studying of course since my exams are coming. haha...

If you're not happy being single and you're going all out to emo this valentine's day, i can suggest some really emo songs about how sad your life is cos you don't have your "better half" (not that i listen to those kind of songs....)

If you're just acting happy being single, but deep inside you're emo-ing cos you don't have someone to call your own then... I don't know what to say. Happy emo-ing.

So that ends my random, pointless rant. Comments anyone?

2008-01-27T21:14:00.000+08:00

Hmm... My last post was dry and poetic? Poetic? Really? I didn't know i had it in me to be poetic! hahahaha! :)

There are some puzzles in life that, no matter how hard you try to solve them, the answers seem to elude you.

Just barely out of your reach. Barely.

Dancing on the fringes of your comprehension, taunting you with their indistinct words and blurry images.

Atop a cliff understanding stands shrouded with confusion and peers into the vast space called clarity, shifting ever closer to the edge of confusion. Ready to leap and to know.

I need to know

2008-01-25T08:56:00.000+08:00

I need to pamper myself more often. Anyone care to pamper me? hehe

I realized that once you don't like something, you can't force yourself to like it in time. But then again, i can't help but be forced to like it cos giving up could mean fatal.

I don't think i even know what i'm talking about.

It's been a very busy week and i'm just glad that it's over and that there's one more week before all classes end.

boring update i know.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

I think i'm too uptight. I'm too tense. I need to loosen up a bit.

I need to stop thinking too much and jumping to conclusions.

I need to be more proactive.

I should stop being so nice.

I need to cut myself some slack.

I need to eat. I'm hungry.
haha

I need to stop being random....

2008-01-18T20:44:00.000+08:00

Someone slap me hard and tell me to wake up and study.

Well... not really slap. Just a gentle reminder that i can't screw up. =)

I'm sooooo bored. I don't feel like doing anything at all. That and combined with the fact that i'm too sad about my laptop's situation. pfft. My next laptop will not be acer.
Anyway, when i'm bored i get random. And when i get random, you get....
.
.
.
.

Try this out yea. It's quite interesting...

Think of words ending in -gry. Angry and hungry are two of them. There are only three words in the English language. What is the third word? The word is something that everybody uses everyday. If you have read carefully, I've already told you what it is.

So what's the word?

----------------------------------------------------------------
definitions...

COURTESY: The art of yawning with your mouth closed.

DICTIONARY: A place where success comes before work.

DIVORCE: Future tense of marriage.

BEAUTY PARLOR: Places where women curl up and dye. (hahahahaha)

Etc: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

MYTH: A female moth.

Artery: The study of paintings.

Cesarean Section: .A neighborhood in Rome.
.
.
.

I was bored. So shoot me.

2008-01-15T20:32:00.000+08:00

you will never know cos i will never show...

I've been having terrible chest pains since morning. It's been happening more often lately. That explains why i look "sad" or "quiet" today. Can't be bothered to see a doctor cos they'll say the same things again. So much so that i don't believe them anymore.

I guess what i've always believed will happen will happen. Just sooner than i thought.

-----------------------------------------------------------

My dad is leaving again. This time he's going Sweden.

When i was younger, my dad used to travel around quite a lot more than he does now; going away for half a year or so... and we never got a chance to have a normal father - daughter relationship. I used to think he was some superhero since he always disappears and no one tells me anything. haha...

The good thing about all this though is that i get to receive souvenirs from different countries. =)

2008-01-11T20:25:00.002+08:00

i can't find the words to say...

Haish. My post are kinda emo huh. So typical right? hahahahaha....
And if you want pics from my bday, then please PM me or something so i can send you guys the pics! =)
----------------------------------------------------------------
We went crazy in drama the other day...

Gays!!!

Kenneth & Fadlul: Omg. Kaye, Yana and Anjana are so hawt!

Yana stoned throughout the cam - whoring session.

BEFORE:

AFTER:

Anjana's artwork. She tried to make Zul look like Johnny Depp... Unfortunately she failed...

Kenneth's gonna do push up!

2008-01-10T20:16:00.000+08:00

amard eht tba lla sti

I like this picture. I dunno why, but i like it. =)

---------------------------------------------------------------------

And to address a certain issue. I know that you know that this is for you.. eh? yea, that's right.

Take this as a public apology

No i'm not mad at you and i wasn't thinking when i said whatever i said. So yea. I'm sorry if it felt like a slap in the face for you but i'm not like that. It's just that sometimes, you can't keep it all in. You have to let things out.

If u knew me, then you'll know that i don't usually say those kinds of things. I keep it to myself. I can give lots of excuses and stuff why i said it, but it may sound so dumb. So yea.

Don't worry. We'll talk soon. I just to finish current commitments...

So for now.........

LOL. Sorry. Just thought that it would at least make u smile or something... =)

2008-01-08T22:07:00.000+08:00

Well i'm no idiot either

Firstly i'd like to tell Kenneth and Anjana that there were no shark's fin that day. My friend made a mistake of thinking that the dish was shark's fin but it isn't. It's actually just veggies! lol...

-----------------------------------------

Do you sometimes feel that you can solve problems just like that? That you can get rid people off their problems and worries with just a snap of your fingers. But life's not like that. You can't make people listen to you or follow whatever advice you give.

You just see them make the same mistakes over and over again. You so badly want to help them but they don't want to take the first step and help themselves. pfft. Stubborn people.

I'm giving up. I'm not gonna try to tell you what to do anymore. just stay in your own stubborn world with your other stubborn and ignorant little friends.
I really can't take how your attitude changes just like that. How can you be ok with us one minute then go on to emo mood the next? If you have a freaking problem then tell us!!!Tell us so we know how to deal with it. No use acting all moody and then start blaming other people. I really hate it that there's only so few of us and you still don't want to fix this hole that continues to grow.
It's a wonder how i'm closer to my drama peeps than my classmates.
----------------------------------------

I used to love this movie called les parapluies de Cherbourg. It's an old french film and it was the very first french film i watched. I just came across it again today and it brought back fond memories.... =)

Something funny happened today. A huge grasshopper landed outside the storeroom's door and scared the hell out of Rabiah and Farhana. Christina/Jessica/Rose, Yana, Fadlul and I were stuck in the room with Rabiah and Farhana screaming like hell. They even locked the door just so the grasshopper wouldn't get in. hahahahaha! Damn funny lah.

Yeah. Randomness...

2008-01-05T20:04:00.001+08:00

I've so much to be thankful for

Yesterday has got to be my best birthday ever. It's not cos of all the grandness or all the presents i received (mind you i only used to very little presents a year and those mostly includes towels. pfft.) but cos i celebrated it with my closest friends and relatives. =)
It would have mattered more though if you had wished me earlier

Whoever came yesterday, thank you so much for celebrating my 18th birthday with me. I know i got emotional a few times and, no Geraldine, it is not fun to see me cry.

Thanks to all my ex-schoolmates who took time off their busy schedules to come visit me.

Mel, Gel, Yus - I loved the board you gave me! It is like the most thoughtful gift ever! And it didn't have to cost a lot. Haha... And i hope, Gel , that i didn't surprise you too much with that toast. hehe...

Atiqah,Evelyn,Isabella - I didn't see you guys for a loooong time before yesterday and it felt really great to see you guys again! Thank you for your gifts and i appreciate that you guys had different meaning for each gifts. It would've been funny though if you guys gave me that blue pail! haha...

Steph, Si Ming, Yuan Min, Ongteng - We were finally reunited yesterday (well, not exactly but you know what i mean)! Thank you guys for making time to come especially Steph and Si ming who had work... And Ong Teng! You gave me the best gift ever!

My Frenchies!!! - Christie, Erika and Priscilla i know that we don't see or talk to each other everyday, but i still consider you guys to be good friends of mine! You guys made me look forward to going to french class even though the teacher was a bit.. um.. you know.. haha.. And Priscilla! I still can't believe you went to Bukit Gombak Stadium instead of the CCK Stadium! rofl! And yew tee is not ulu! Too bad that chicken pie isn't here in Singapore though. haish. And Christie, i think you'll see a different me this year. Be gone emo-ness!

My current classmates - I know you guys live quite far from my place and it was great that you guys could come even though it was a last minute thing for one of you (*hint hint*)! haha.. And i love the gift you guys gave me!!! Now i have a cool jacket to take to school. You guys forgot to take out the price tag btw.... hehe...

last, but certainly not the least.

Yana, Anjana, Germaine, Amin, Nicholas and Kenneth. =D
Thank you for coming and i'm really sorry Germaine about you know what! haha... I hope you guys didn't waste your time coming! Thank you for the present Yana... Don't worry i loved it! And you know about the speech thing, it's ok. I found it touching =). I must really give a huge thanks to Amin and Nicholas for helping out with my dance! Thanks a lot for the time and effort put into trying to perfect the dance. We did well even though we had quite a lot of mistakes! hahahaha... Kenneth - thank you for not stepping on my feet! lol! And of course Anjana, thanks for trying to hold back your sarcasm for a day =). Thank you Anjana and Kenneth for that thoughtful gift. I'm flattered that you guys find me kind! haha...

--------------------------------------------------------------------
Remember the thing that i wasn't suppose to know but knew and was just waiting for the right time for it to show? It happened yesterday and even though i knew it was coming, i was still kinda surprised. =D And that was the first time EVER that i've seen my nekkid baby pics. lol!
So embarrassing.

My mom's quite happy that i've turned 18 now cos it means that she'll have someone to buy for her Toto and 4D. -.-

And of course, i can now legally have sex and surf porn as what Anjana and Ilham said. Haish. Am i that type of person?!?!

Thanks for all the birthday tags! And yes Ernie, i'll take that sundae any day! =)

2008-01-03T23:45:00.000+08:00

So i'm 18 now

...

2008-01-02T22:04:00.000+08:00

I am currently amused.

I know something that some people think i do not know and are trying to hide it from me till a certain point of time. And i am highly amused cos it's fun trying to see them hide it from me. Talking in code and all. I would have still been in the dark if it wasn't for someone's loose lips.

I shall not say i know though. I shall not spoil it for them. I'll just act surprise when the time comes.

=)

2007-12-31T18:21:00.001+08:00

this would be my last post for 2007.

This year has been full of ups and downs. I have had many downfalls but with each downfall, i learnt to stand up again. I've made new friends who really made an impact in my life and not forgetting my old friends who continue to make a positive impact in whatever way they can.

This year was full of oppurtunities as well. Some i took and some flew away from my grasp. I've managed to do certain things i've been wanting to do but was never given a chance.

This year has been great inspite of certain things. Next year promises new things. New beginings. and hopefully, it'll be bettr than this year.

HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone!!!! =D

2007-12-29T22:03:00.000+08:00

i'm gonna win

Class outing!

The ice skating rink at Kallang

They all look calm (except Sheryl) but i know that they're scared inside!

Girl power! rrrr...

Netti's first fall!!! lol...

Steamboat at Boon Keng They only look busy but actually they're not...

Pei Yu was drunk. She thought my camera's red light was fire!

That's all for now... Too lazy to upload the rest!

2007-12-27T18:36:00.000+08:00

it sucks to be me

It sucks when you have no support from people you most need support from. All you ask is for their support but all they give you is a shake of their head and say that it's never gonna work. That it's gonna be a disaster even before they've seen the final product. They can't even find it in themselves to have a little trust in you. All they would say is... "When anything goes wrong, you're to blame"... It hurts when you hear it from someone you thought would support you throughout.

I'm very disappointed and sad.

2007-12-24T15:11:00.000+08:00

My early Christmas gift from my parents the LG Viewty...

2007-12-23T18:18:00.000+08:00

my mind's mixed up

To all those who tagged wishing for something, Santa'll give you what you want if you had been good all year. However, if you don't get it... that means you've been naughty people this year and it's time for you to be nicer!

And Erny!!! I'm so gonna hunt you down for that free sundae!

------------------------------------------------------------

I am so pissed. Isn't this the season of giving?! More like season of STEALING for me.

I hate that pathetic excuse for a human being for stealing from my house. Yea. Whoever you are, i hate you. You must be thinking that you're all smart and all, stealing from us in broad daylight. Not once, but TWICE. You FreakingassholeknncbdumbassidiotMF! ARGH.

It's ok... I heard karma does wonders...
-----------------------------------------------------------

2007-12-19T22:42:00.000+08:00

People who mind don't matter. People who matter, don't mind.

So.... i've already bought my gown. Which looks like something from Aladdin if you ask me. But... what to do... the mother chose it... It seems like she's more excited about the day than me. To all those going, you'll see me like you've never seen me before! And i'll be doing things that you'd think that i'm not capable of doing.
.
.
.
.
Stop thinking dirty.
------------------------------------------------------------

Christmas is coming but it doesn't feel like Christmas is anywhere near. Must be cos i've been too busy to take note of these things. I can't wait for the upcoming parties. Even though Christmas is never the same here, i'm sure it'll still be fun. =)

What do you want for Christmas?

For this Christmas, i want a whole day where i don't have to worry about anything. And... Gusto ko isang buong araw na kasama ka... =)

So Santa... you know what to do!

2007-12-15T14:11:00.000+08:00

Sometimes all you need is to let go and let your weakness show

So.... Alumni night is finally over. It was fun even though there were lots of ups and downs...

Thanks to all the year 3 for all their hard work they have given this year and for the opportunity given to us to have worked with them.

As for the new batch taking over, i'm looking forward to be under you guys! I know you guys will do your very best! Congratulations to the new President and V.President Farhana and Rabia. And Of course to the new Drama and asst. Drama head, Anjana and Syidah, i'm really excited to see how you guys would run drama sessions from now on. I must say that i'm really happy for Anjana cos i know that she totally didn't expect the post.

but i know that some people aren't happy.... But what to do... You win some, you lose some.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Congratulations Kaye.

You have managed to get yourself sick.

Who wakes up in the middle of the night to vomit at least 5 times? That must be some great achievement.

And now, your voice is so sexy that no one can even hear it. On top of that, you have eye bags the size of... well, bags. That is so bringing the guys in your yard....

And now you think you deserve a break? A rest?

Nooo... you still have 4 projects to worry about that won't solve itself (or by anyone else for that matter). Isn't that great?

To top things off, you can foresee a train wreck of an event coming up for you. Something that's suppose to be once in a lifetime and all you can see is a train wreck.

I bet you can't wait.

--------------------------------------------------------------

I'll be fine. I'll always end up fine.

2007-12-08T00:13:00.000+08:00

Again i fell.

And again i feel weak.

But no one knows that.

I'm tired. I shall go to sleep and tomorrow when i awake, i'll put on a smile and pretend.

2007-12-03T21:10:00.000+08:00

the moon is my friend
she follows me home
a silent beacon of light
she listens
she beams
as my secret sorrow
pulls at my seams
weary and bleak
are what I've become
a warm heart grown cold
dangling between want and need
not gaining speed toward either one

2007-12-01T20:04:00.000+08:00

seriouslyshitfuckheadman

This week is so damn tiring. I'm glad it's over! Most of my tests are done and the holidays are coming soon! BUT project deadlines comes along with it... So little time, so much to do....

-------------------------------------------------------------------
To all those who tagged wanting to join in.... Lets do it! haha... I don't know how we're all gonna do it together but if there's a will, there's a way! (PFFT)
OH... and HELLO BABY WAG!!!! lol...

AND Amin! I'm surprised that you know how to tag! lol! AND u owe me for those songs yea...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Just a little things i had to get off my mind...

Sometimes we long for things that will never come our way. We secretly pine for it knowing that if we just speak up, there is the chance that we would get it; that it might just be handed to us in a silver platter.

But, we'd rather keep quiet about it. Afraid that people would think that we're trying to be proud or stupid. Afraid that people would think that we're not worthy of having it. So, we keep it inside cos we lack the confidence to say our wanting out loud.

We know that we can do it; that we are capable of holding it in our hands and making the most of it or making it the best that it can be. Too bad we don't speak up and we just let it slip through our fingers.

And then, other people snap at the chance to obtain whatever we were aiming for. We are then left standing at a corner looking on, wishing that that should have been be us.

Sigh... All these wasted opportunities.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

The war has started and it's no use turning back.....

I don't like where this is going
There seems to be no end to this fight
The back door is calling
Maybe I'll leave quietly; out of mind, out of sight.

2007-11-27T19:28:00.000+08:00

I want to scream.
I want to jump around.
I want to play the fool.
I want to live on the edge.

Anyone wanna join me?

2007-11-25T14:00:00.000+08:00

Tear out your hair if you can’t bear anymore
It’s the same as yesterday it stays around
Locks the door.
See, now here is the fear
That you live with every year
And you wonder if you’ll make it out alive

A change’ll do
A change of scenery’ll free you
But there’s never one way to roll
So find a way to take a picture of a moment
That you know you can’t control

2007-11-21T15:13:00.000+08:00

Will you say well done?

Tag replies:

Twin and Mel: THANKKKSSS.....

Anjana: I feel so used... haish

Kenneth: I am shocked...

Nizah: AHHHH! um..yea.. haha...

Daniel: OMG!!! you remembered me?!?!?!?! lol

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
dum dee dum dee dum...

I think i need to go get a social life.

My world now revolves around dramaschooldramaschooldramaschool

I must really find time for my friends.

Most importantly, i need to find time for myself.

I need to stop worrying for other people or letting them off their worries by passing it to me.

kailangan ko nang sabihin sa kanila na gumising na sila dahil hindi ko kayang gawin lahat nang iniwan nila sa akin. Ano ako? robot? I can't possibly carry them until the finish line. Help me. Yea, kulang yung "help" na binibigay nyo. Ayaw ko lang magsalita cos.... er... hindi ko rin alam kung bakit.....

bleh.

------------------------------------------------------------------

It was my Uncle and aunt's 25th year anniversary yesterday and i realised some things

Reunions can be a bugger cos you see someone you don't wish to see or even talk to, but you end up stuck with that person. Or you come across someone else whom you have been wanting to see and talk to for a long time, but words escape you when that someone else comes over to say hi.

The older generation will always talk about the "good old days". You know, when they were young and all. They'll refer to it as the best part of their lives - being young. They'll talk about flying kites, swimming in the sea, drinks with the barkada, outings which often lead to mischief...

"Oh remember that time, we used to climb trees to see that girl......"
"Remember we jumped from that waterfall...."
"I remember the time we talked all night out at the beach..."

I wonder if we would be like them once we grow older. I don't know about you guys but i envisioned this....

"Remember the time we had to stay up late for a test..."
"Oh, i remember THAT project! It was tough one...."
"haha... that was funny! what does he mean by the DNA structure is...."
"When Dy/Dx is positive, the tangent of the curve is...."
"MBO is a system whereby..."

Yea.... scary.

Nah. I was just half kidding when i typed all those things. My childhood was fun. The key word here is was... Anyway, i'm sure we there would be lots of good things to remember when we're all older and... wiser?

hmm...

2007-11-18T14:52:00.000+08:00

What if you slept?
And in your sleep, you dreamed?
And what if in your dream, you went to heaven
and there plucked a strange and beautiful flower?
And what if, when you woke, you had the flower in your hand?
Ah! What then?

-Samuel Taylor Coleridge-

2007-11-15T20:12:00.000+08:00

if it was never meant for you, then just accept it.

School is Fun =). riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

I shouldn't be in the course that I'm in now. I don't know what the hell attracted me to BI. It's not my cup of tea.

Maybe i should have gone to nursing like my mom wants me too. But that would only prove the stereotype (trust me, there is. One example is my lecturer.) on us filipino students - that we will mostly end up doing nursing and i was never oo fond of science... and blood.

Or maybe i should have just gone to Lasalle or some drama-mama school. But my mom would probably igore me cos according to her, there is no future in the Arts. riiiiiiiiiiiiight. If i had a choice, i would have gone down tht route. But then again, i don't think i'm good enough! haha...

Aha. I should have gone to media and communications instead. But then again, my A in O-level English was a fluke since I'm not at all that good at being intellectual or other stuff like that. Plus I'll have to be Anjana's junior so... nah.

I can't change my course now cos ill feel too guilty about wasting my parents' money and they always talk about me graduating quickly so i can help out with the household.... or maybe they just want me out of the house. Either way, i don't want to waste their money. I should just make the best out of this course.

It ain't all that bad. I actually like some of my modules... The business modules that is... Like econs. Econs is fun =) and the lecturers are quite cool too. I can't say the same for some of my classmates though =x.

Anyway, I'll endure this three years, graduate with... er... moderately flying colours? Then, i shall see where i go from there.

Maybe i'll go nursing or something....
OOOHHHH... like what Amin says, i'll go become a maid. -.-

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

People should just stop assuming. Really. We should all stop making assumption before getting to know whatever we are focusing our assumption powers on.Why? We end up looking like asses when our assumptions turn out to be wrong. And making asumptions will only show how narrow minded we are. For example, just cos a person has a natural quiet look on her, doesn't mean she's really all quiet or emo inside. Or, just cos you meet a gay guy you brand him as sissy which he might not have been at all . OH. And just cos you see a random filipina on the streets doesn't make her a maid immediately. We have a wild imagination. I always see people pointing at Bangladeshi workers who are holding hands and say "omg! Gay!". I admit that i use to say that... when i was in lower sec. That was before my mom told me "do unto others, as others would do to you..."

Well, i didn't actually stop the gay calling cos of that. I stopped cos i felt bad. Yes i did!

I use to think it's funny when we say they're gay but when we see two chinese girls linking/holding their hands together, we say - "Oh, they're not lesbians! How can you say that? Nooooooo.... haha! They're just friends!". Yea. Very good friends.

You know what, i shall be a good citizen from now on. I shall stop assuming or judging people or things i just met or seen from now on! yea.

But then again we're only human and being human myself (DUH), i know that we can never stick to doing the right thing for a long period of time. We'll probably go on and procrastinate saying that we can let our good side out another day. Cos it's fun isn't it? Fun to look at people and talk about or make fun of them when other people are doing the exact same thing to us.

I don't know what i'm saying so let's just act like i never posted this.

2007-11-13T14:08:00.001+08:00

All the stupid things that we do

Tag replies

Twin: YES! i have so much to rant on but can't say it here so i'll just tiire your ears out when i see you.

Eunice: Um... yea. Riiiiight. haha. December is coming soon! Maybe i'll see you in the news running around campus nekkid!!!! (i did not just say that)

Anjana: hmmm...

Mel: Thanks!!! Are we still on for Friday?
--------------------------------------------------------------------

AHHHHH!!!!!!!!! I just saw the scariest thing ever. I hope and pray that it will never happen. Yana would agree with me on this, although she won't know what I'm talking about now... but she soon will and she would totally agree with me!

If the thing i fear will happen should happen, then the world would never see sunlight again, all hell would break loose, the flowers and the trees would all shrivel up and die, oceans will dry up, all volcanoes will start erupting; flooding the earth with hot lava and humankind would suffer for years to come...

In short, it would be the end of the world.

I know i'm exaggerating like a whole lot but seriously, if it does happen then life would be a living hell for most of us and....

je pourrais considérer même cesser sa.

But that would make me unprofessional; putting personal stuff ahead of my work. So if it does happen, which i'm pretty sure WILL happen cos life sucks, then I'm just gonna pretend that i accept and embrace it... but my participation and dedication would never be the same.

For those of you who are confused, i don't blame you. If you want to be enlightened then ask me personally, although I'll only tell a few people.

2007-11-08T21:18:00.000+08:00

there's nothing wrong in being wrong

TWIN: You are loved by me as well! And is it the end of forever yet? (if u don't get what i mean then i think we should just break up or something. haha...)
-------------------------------------------------------------
Bad Kaye. Baaaaaaaad Kaye.

I shouldn't be here. I should be off figuring out how to do the DCN mini project that is due tomorrow. I should be studying, catching up on all the tutorials I missed. I should be trying to finish my tutorials due tomorrow as well.

But i'm not.

This semester looks bleak to me.
Goodbye to my 3 .2 GPA. Or any chance of raising that.
I think it's downhill from here on.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
I realized that i rarely get angry.

I should really start showing some anger or frustration when the situation calls for it. I'm tired of being a pushover. I'm tired of saying "It's ok" whenever someone does me wrong. I hate it that i can't show anger. Or... maybe i'm just a very patient person. Well, my patience is wearing thin. Sometimes i feel like bursting; feel like screaming shouting, strangling people out of anger but instead, i bottle it all up inside. That can't possibly be good for my health can it? Last time i checked, my bottle is bursting.

Speaking of being a pushover, i'm sick of saying...
"Yes, i'll do it." or "Yes, it's ok that i do it even though i'm already swamped with a million other things."

Maybe one day i'll just snap. Just start screaming at people to give me a break. There's only so much one can take. I should stop being so kind. I should stop burdening myself with more work just cos i can't say no to people. It's like a disease or maybe an addiction. I can't seem to turn down people. I'm unable to go up to them and say "i'm sorry, but i'm very busy right now so i can't do it."

The bottom line is, I don't want people to think that i'm some kind of wonderwoman who they can burden with things. Just cos i always (almost) say yes to requests, doesn't mean they can start ordering me around. I find that some people take my over-kindness for granted. And i'm dumb enough to let them.

And no i'm not targeting anyone in general. I'm just pissed off with myself for being such a pushover, for being willing to do a million of things at once even though i know i can't handle it, for bottling up my anger that my health is possibly affected, for being so freaking kind.

It's almost 10.15pm and i'm giving up on my DCN already. I shall now go do Statistics.
Just looking at it makes me want to give that up as well.
I should start bottling up the will to give up alongside anger so that i'm all positive.
But where will the positiveness come from?
You maybe? nah... You'll probably ask for help in return. And i'll just end up saying yes....

I'm spouting nonsense. I should go before write more nonsensical stuff. I can't wait for the weekends. It's only the fourth week of school but it feels more than that.

don't be so afraid of facing every day,
just take your time, it's only life,

Yea. It's only life kaye. You can take it.